Zippy Gets the Scoop, or Where's Halupkie
From space, one could follow the feverish path Zippy took because it showed up as a blazing streak of purple across Central America. Zippy knew he was in Colombia when border police failed to stop him and check his passport, and pull him over for excessive speed and the illegal color of his Ford Fadoodle’s exhaust fumes- Purple. He noticed as he sped on through that they were indeed at their posts but were asleep. “Oh No, this crisis is already taking its effect,” thought Zippy, “Am I too late?” He noticed that a few of these guards where tied together and bound not with a rope but a cloth resembling that of the markings on a French flag. As well as this, there were inscriptions and graffiti on walls and in trees of the countryside that read “Viva la France”. Zippy took some notice of these but only went faster to get to the scene of the crime and meet Juan Valdez himself. He got to the Valdez Ranch, which was in the shape of a giant coffee bean, in time for the daily polka hour. The music was playing the hit “That old Babushka” by Kenny and Kielbasi Kings but nobody was dancing. Everybody was on the floor snoring. In fact throughout the entire country everyone was snoring-- and it registered as a 3.2 on the Richter scale. -- the place was shaking.
When Juan had first found out that someone had stolen his Donkey. He took up the Art of Feng-Shui and rearranged the furniture of the whole country to maximize its energy. But even this wasn’t enough to fill the void that was in his heart over the missing of his Donkey. Juan Valdez, in addition to this new past time, started to wear shades, listen to Jazz and the Best of Fat’s Domino and told people to call him, “Jonny V”. Luckily this was only temporary. The whole country was in utter chaos at this and at the fact that they were so sleepy. This wave of narcolepsy was spreading, and spreading fast. What could be done?
Juan Valdez was crushed like a coffee bean. Jonny V. was still astounded that anybody could steal a donkey, let alone his precious Halupkie. Zippy came in and introduced himself to his idol. When Juan Valdez saw him he was just as amazed and happy to meet Zippy as Zippy was to meet him. Juan Valdez was the world’s leading collector of lumps-- rare, common, and deformed lumps. When he took a good look at Zippy he said, “My aren’t you a Wonderful Lump to behold.” He lead Zippy into his spaceship that contained his world renowned collection of lumps. Zippy was fascinated but growing tired so they investigated the area and Halupkie’s stall. Zippy was astounded at the fragrance of the dung in Halupkie’s stall. “Aha”, said Juan, “you know my coffee flavors well.” They found all kinds of clues of French toast and French fries and Renoir paintings and tickets to see Les Miserables in the stall. Then Zippy remembered what he had seen on the highway -- “Viva La France” and the flag stuff. -- “Yeah,” they thought, “Viva La France indeed.”--. Juan fired up his ACME Two-Seater-Coffee-Grinder Turbo edition and they exploded down through the earth, grinding there way up into the streets of Paris.